When Your Spouse Changes

You and your husband need to understand that you arenot the same people or couple you were when you were first married. Change has occurred. Both of you have gone through a variety of stages and changes during your years together. Your likes and dislikes have changed. New interests and abilities have surfaced. Perhaps children have been added to the mix. You’ve each been forced to adapt in ways you never imagined.

Here’s a simple example. When Jim and I got married, I hated spicy foods. Pepper and onions were foreign substances in my kitchen. Yet today, after living in Southern California with its spicy Mexican flavors in the local food, and living as missionaries in Singapore where chili paste is added to every food item, I now pour on the pepper and slather hot chili paste on just about everything I eat. (But I still feel ill at the smell or taste of dill pickles, which Jim purchases in the largest jars available in the market!)

Differences Over the Years

And I’m sure you and your husband have also developed different tastes, habits, and interests over the years. You’ve been forced to learn new ways to live due to physical trials, health issues, the makeup of your family unit, the demands of the workplace, financial setbacks... and the list goes on.

The key in your relationship as a couple is making and taking the time to keep up with each other’s changes. It’s hard to imagine that two married people can live together and not really know each other, but it happens all the time. Ignorance of change and distance are dangerous in any relationship, but they are especially dangerous in a marriage.

Diligent to Pray

And so you must pray!

• Pray that your husband will be sensitive to your burdens, challenges, feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams—and pray for yourself to do the same.
• Pray that God will help your husband listen with his heart and share meaningful communication with you.
• Pray that your home will have an atmosphere of openness and love and submission so that even during the times when the two of you disagree about something, you will still be happy together.

I just have to turn this coin over for a minute and look at the other side, the wife’s side and her role and responsibilities. I had to learn—and decide—not to be a whiner. It’s easy to whine and complain, to confront or verbally attack your husband for being insensitive and clueless about your “needs.” When you and I feel or act in these ways, we need to fall on our knees and pray—for ourselves!

God’s grace is either sufficient for our trials and challenges and disappointments, or it isn’t. And God clearly says it is: “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9). So pray—for yourself first, then for your husband. Prayer makes change easier to navigate and strengthens your marriage!

RESPOND

Dear Lord, I long to be a woman and a wife after Your own heart. Please guide me and help me. Amen.

RENEWING RESOURCES 

15 Verses to Pray for Your Husband by Elizabeth George—Bring deeper unity to your marriage relationship and sharpen your awareness of God's work in your husband's life with this book for married women!

REFLECT

Take steps to improve your communication with your husband. Start by heaping praise on your man and being his number one encourager. Be that kind of wife—the one who contributes positively. Then, as one of my mentors taught me, if you have to share something serious, the negative is always on the heels of the positive.

REMEMBER

God’s grace is either sufficient for our trials and challenges and disappointments, or it isn’t. And God clearly says it is: “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9).