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Choosing a Godly Approach to Dating

Upcoming Valentine’s Day celebrations can bring out emotions of all kinds – excitement that you are in a relationship with someone special or disappointment that romance is not in your life at the moment.

Whether you call it dating or courting or just getting to know someone, finding the right potential guy is like navigating a maze! You’re not exactly sure where you are going. But Boaz’s example in the book of Ruth helps!

If your Boaz had not presented himself, be patient. He’s out there, and God is working in him right now. In the meantime, here are some choices you can make as God prepares you to be the right girl for the right guy!

Choose to associate with men who are active, vibrant, for-real Christians. Develop a list of character qualities from the Bible that are a must for a Christian man you would want to date and possibly marry someday (if marriage is God’s will for you). Then use that list as your guideline for the guys in your circle of friends today. Think about Boaz’s godly traits. Look also at 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1. There you’ll see God praising men who are blameless in character and pure in conduct. That’s the kind of guy you want to be praying for and spending time with. God desires the best for you, and you should too. Don’t settle for anyone less than the best!

To put this even more strongly, never date someone who is not a Christian. The Bible is crystal clear on this. Second Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

Here’s how a friend and single adult leaders sees this issue:

“Don’t buy the ‘I can witness to him’ myth. More often than not, when couples relate at different levels spiritually, the Christian is pulled away from God rather than the other way around.”

He goes on to point out how a dating relationship with a non-Christian can only diminish who you are in Christ. There is no way dating an unbeliever can help your walk with Jesus grow stronger.

Choose to be patient as you watch and wait and pray for God to reveal His will. As you patiently wait, observe the single guys who are the spiritual leaders in your church and singles’ group. Note their character qualities. Listen to their conversation, what they talk about. Pay attention to how they treat others. And the media they choose.

Choose to remain morally and sexually pure no matter what!  Make this commitment to God and reaffirm it daily. His standard is absolute purity. This is a spiritual choice, and a wise choice, and a right choice. If a guy is godly and truly cares about you, then he will desire sexual purity for himself and for you. He will be all about encouraging your spiritual best, not tempting you to go against God’s expressed will.

Choose to wait to date seriously until there’s a godly purpose or reason—which is marriage. Intense dating can take you on an emotional roller coaster ride that hurts deeply when it ends, or ruins your reputation, or contributes negatively to your character development, or gets you into sexual trouble and scars you for life.  Don’t let your emotions make your choices.

So fix God’s standards firmly in your heart and mind. Look to His Word—not your emotions—when you make your dating choices.

Please read my book A Woman After God’s Own Heart for more insight and encouragement in choosing to be a woman of God.

Read Choosing a Godly Approach to Dating on Elizabeth & Jim George.

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