Let’s revisit your courtship with your wife. Did you strive to be her best friend? I know you did! You were probably a little jealous if she spent time with any person other than you. Did you like being in her company and doing crazy things together? Elizabeth and I were the same way—we were best friends while we were dating.
During courtship, it seems as if the pure joy of just being together will never end. But after marriage, for some reason, that seems to fade away, doesn’t it? What happened? Here’s a basic formula that seems applicable to many of us:
time + familiarity + distractions + duties = diminished interest
In other words, the demands and distractions of daily life crept into that beautiful friendship and began to erode the relationship.
For instance, how would you define intimacy? If you’re like most men, you probably think in terms of sexual intimacy or lovemaking. While that is a part of intimacy, there’s definitely more to the definition. It also refers to great closeness—the kind that the closest of friends share, in which they feel they can talk about anything.
Are you enjoying that kind of friendship with your wife? Sometimes the friendship part of marriages goes through a dry spell, but this doesn’t need to last. Purpose in your heart to cultivate both friendship and marital intimacy with your wife. Build the kind of relationship where she can say of you, “This is my beloved, and this is my friend” (Song of Solomon 5:16).
How can you recapture that friendship you enjoyed with your wife while you two were dating?
God, you can make all things new – including my friendship with my wife. As You renew us individually day by day, may our relationship also experience new life as we follow You.
In A Couple After God’s Own Heart, discover how you can enrich your marriage by looking at the lives of key couples in the Bible. Learn more about A Couple After God’s Own Heart by Jim and Elizabeth George.
Think back on the days when you were courting your wife. What did you do to nurture your relationship with her? Take a moment to write a list, then make a commitment to do some of these activities again—the activities that helped you to become best friends.
After your friendship with God, your wife’s friendship is the greatest treasure you possess.