For almost the first decade of our marriage, Jim and I were lost and confused—and miserable! We had little or no peace in our home. Arguments abounded. One thing led to another until we each were going our own way. Jim was consumed with his job. I was attending classes and obtaining a license in marriage and family counseling. (Can you hear me laughing? I think I hear you laughing!)
Entertaining Thoughts of Divorce
We each entertained thoughts of divorce. We were the proverbial flailing couple who was going down…and taking two young daughters with us. Why? Well, many reasons factored in, but a big one was that our love needed redirection. In the world of physics, matter is never lost—it simply changes its state. Love is like matter; it isn’t lost, it’s only redirected.
We see this with Isaac and Rebekah’s marriage in the Old Testament. Isaac’s love was directed full-on toward his wife Rebekah for the first 20 years of their marriage. But somehow it got redirected. After their twins Jacob and Esau arrived and the newness of having children wore off, their affections went from adoration…to adjusting to an expanded family…to choosing sides against one another.
Endangering Your Marriage
Children are a gift from God, but child-centered parenting endangers your marriage and family (as does being job-centered, parent-centered, hobby-centered). Isaac redirected his love onto his favorite son, Esau, while Rebekah showered her love on Jacob. Somewhere in the rough seas of marriage, this couple drifted apart.
This may be a tender topic for you. If your love has drifted … there is hope.
Engaging Your Spouse
Spend time in prayer, assessing upon whom or what you’ve redirected your love. Take a close look at your marriage and identify any potential threats that could cause division. Then, direct your love back toward your spouse. Your concern should be, “Is my love fully aimed at my husband/wife?”
Marriage is a work in progress. We can never think that our marriage has arrived, that we’ve reached the stage where bliss will reign without any effort on our part. But we can keep our marriage alive and vibrant–and away from the brink of divorce–when we direct our love toward and nurture oneness with our spouse. Make it a priority to find new ways to show your love.
Dear Lord, my heart’s desire is to communicate freely with my spouse and that there be no barriers between us. Guide us to keep our love directed toward one another. Amen.
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“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” (Song of Solomon 8:3)
On separate 3×5 cards, write out the area of biggest concern for yourselves as a couple.
- Swap cards for a week
- Carry your spouse’s care with you all week and pray daily over the contents.
- In a week, share updates with each other.